How are we REALLy doing?

The boys have been home almost a month. I intended to post about a trip to get them, but honestly it was hard to find words. We just needed to live it.

Several people have seen the silly videos of the kids on FB and the happy shiny pictures, and several have been wise enough to know that the photos are just a moment in time that happened to be...well...happy.  I snap a picture in these moments because I need so desperately to hold on to those happy moments.  Things are not always so sweet.

So how are we "really" doing?

Expectations: Expectations can be a sneaky thing. I have learned that it is possible to have expectations and not even realize it. We had some expectations that were unfair---and we have had to adjust our way of thinking in a few areas. We didn't expect easy---or grateful, but when it comes down to it....there is still dissappointment when things don't go your way. I started having thoughts like "We have sacrificed so much, and drained our savings account to give these kids a chance.....and they act as if they hate us."  

Yeah. It's true we did. It's hard. Rejection is no fun---and it doesn't feel fair when all you have done for over a year is pray for these kids and scrape together EVERY penny you can find to bring them home. And then there are no "warm and fuzzy" feelings! In fact, there have been some real ugly feelings. Some of them are my own, and I am not proud of that.

 I WANTED WARM AND FUZZY PEOPLE! 

But guess what? We were the ones being unfair. 

Why would these children just hand us their hearts free of charge? They have learned to survive on their own because of the loss and betrayal of the adults in their lives. Adults they trusted and loved. Why now, would they ever just give all their trust to us? Because we say we are FOREVER?

Show me forever, Mom.  What does it look like?

Sometimes it looks like the calm of a mothers touch after the 15th meltdown before lunch. Sometimes it looks like smiling at a child when you really want to scream or cry.  Acting like it doesn't hurt when they call random people Mom---because, you see....I haven't earned that title yet.

It will be awhile before I have earned it, and I am learning to be ok with that.  The life these children had before joining our family is nothing short of the word horrible.  For now, I will be the consistent one. I will consistently respond with love when honestly I don't always want to. I will kiss boo-boos. I will teach with patience. I will meet needs with a cheerful heart.

Easier said than done.... 

  Honestly, we mourn the loss of old routines. Of simple things. We are creatures of habit and our lives have been turned upside down and inside out.

The boys are mourning the loss of their country, culture, friends and family.  They have expectations that were false, and we are working on that too.

We miss being a family of 4 sometimes. That doesn't mean that we don't love them-----it's just that things were simple then. Familiar.  God has called us to something different, and we believe better.

 Better than easy. Something beautiful and redemptive. Healing. 

We are learning so much about the character of God. Christ died for us when we were STILL sinners and enemies of God. It was nothing we earned or deserved.   We are trying to follow this example but we miss the mark daily. HIS grace is perfect, and his mercies are new every morning and I am so grateful for that-----because I need it! Our family needs it.

 I needed to be adopted once, and Christ invited me into his family.  Before I was ready to call Him Father, he gave up his life for me.....

This truth holds us together.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would even dare to die---but  God shows his love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.   

 Romans 5:6-8

It's a Beautiful Day......Everyday.

The sun is shining!

The birds are chirping!

My coffee is steamy and delicious, and it's a beautiful morning. 

Mornings like this often bring my thoughts to someone very special in my life, my cousin Andrew. Andrew is a few years younger than me, and has been given many labels over the years.  Some say he has a learning disability or call him disabled. I have also heard him called by much more demeaning labels....

If you know me, you know that I HATE labels. People are so beautiful, and when we label them we put them in a little box and limit who they are.  That being said, there is one label that doesn't bother me so much when it comes to Andrew.

Special Needs.

Stay with me.....

Andrew is most definitely special,because he wakes up each and every day and calls the day beautiful. Andrew has encountered his share of ugly and mean people in this world but his perspective remains.

Each day is beautiful.

He has always known each day is a gift. That God created beauty.

When I was about 16, I remember Andrew coming outside with me and being so excited about the fresh cut grass in the yard.     

"Cozy, look at this grass!!" He said, picking up a hand full.  I laughed, but then I really looked.

It was beautiful....soft on my feet, with that fresh cut smell. I jumped up and grabbed his hand......"Grass! Look at this grass!!!"    I shouted.  
I picked up a handful and tossed it in the air, and Andrew was happy to join me.

We danced, and sang---throwing handfuls of grass in the air.

I am sure the neighbors thought we were nuts, but it was a beautiful day.

Andrew is special because he can see the needs of people.  I guess that's why the term special needs doesn't rub me quite as raw as the other labels.

On Easter, Andrew approached me and said: "Cozy, I cannot wait to meet your sons!  He was looking at the pictures we had of them out on the table.   As he was looking at them he said: " They look just like you Cozy.....they have your eyes." 

To Andrew,some of the hardest questions in life are the easiest to answer because he answers in love, and according to the needs of those around him.

 I don't even know how he does it.

I believe it is a gift from the Lord.

He can see the needs of those around him.   He saw my need, and answered in love.

My two chocolate boys look just like me. They have my eyes.

Andrew is dreaming right now of going to Shepherds College. He has been accepted, and I couldn't be more proud. He is going to be a Chef.  He needs some help getting there, so I hope you will join me in praying that the Lord will make a path to get him there.

This June, in Tiffin Ohio there will be a "Beautiful Day 5k" in his honor. All of the proceeds will go to his college fund.

I am out of shape, but I will be there! I will be there because EVERYDAY IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY!  Andrew is so special to me, and to our family.....he is one of the greatest gifts our family has ever received.

I hope you will join us in celebrating this new chapter in his life!

One of those mornings.....we all have them!

This morning was a rough one! The kids were both dragging their feet getting ready for school---doing just about anything to avoid actually getting dressed. You moms know what I am talking about!!!

My stress levels were rising, and the kids were complaining every step of the way.

Then, I notice that there was homework unfinished! Homework that a certain child ( I will not mention names) said was finished the day before.

I could feel my blood pressure rising!

Then I remembered I had washed their winter coats right before bed. But I forgot to dry them!!!!!  

My head almost popped off---right then and there, in the middle of the kitchen and our morning messes!

 I am certain that I am not going to win any mother of the year awards any time soon!  It seems like on rushed morning like today I hear the voice of doubt loud and clear.

It says:
What are you going to do with two more kids? You think this is hectic? Just wait, you are going to fail---and your family will fall apart.......and everyone is going to be miserable.

Luckily, I know that I am not the glue that holds all this together.

Tom, isn't either. Although, I am so glad we are in this together.

My Heavenly Father is the glue that keeps all this together. We have stressed mornings, bad moods and messes.....but our life is not defined my them, or the lies that Satan tries to tell us about ourselves.

I know that the Lord did not bring us this far to abandon us now! He is the God who meets us in our messes, and loves us anyway.

Friends--if you are hearing that voice of doubt, I just want to encourage you to silence it! Stand firm in the knowledge of who God made you to be. He did not promise us perfection, or that everything in our lives would be easy---but He did promise to walk with us through our messes!

   So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. 

Romans 12:1-2 The Message

God was with me this morning in my messs, and I am so thankful that his mercies are new every morning!

I am trusting that...

He will be with me as I learn to parent two children who are not my own.
He will sustain our marriage through it all.
He will give us the strength to meet the needs of ALLof our children.
He will not abandon us in our times of trouble.

He did not bring us this far to leave us alone now.

We will stand on His promises. We will trust in HIM and we will not listen to the voice of doubt.

Our God is the glue that holds all this together. Not me.....and I am OK with that. He's a better driver than me anyway!

Have you seen me parallel park? Yikes!

Update and Celebrate....

We getting closer to the end of our adoption journey and we are so blown away by the love and support that has been shown to us.

Many people have been asking how close we are to reaching our goal. This is a tricky one, because as soon as we think we have a good answer some unexpected cost comes to light and our goals take new shape.

This is the way with international adoption....

       For example: Our boys are staying in a foster home ran by our agency---not in the orphanage. They were actually living there when we accepted the referral. The other day I was looking over our contract and it says any family that chooses to have their children stay in the agency foster home are subject to a $250 a month charge per child.  
        When we began this process with "G" that did not apply to us, and it was not something we made note of mentally.   Now we have two children living in the foster home, which means we are subject to that charge x's two!   Our options are, to make them move our children back into the orphanage, breaking their bonds with current care givers and move back to where they will potentially receive less care.

Or pay the fees.

We will pay the fees. And not because we think this is fair---but because we know it is in the best interests of our children. They should not have to face another loss. In the long run, when they will need to bond with our family this is the best choice.

But you get the idea---the numbers change. I don't like it.  It's really hard to face all the financial uncertainty.

But one thing is for sure........God knows EXACTLY how much we need! There is no surprising him.

Which leads me to the celebrate....

Today, we got a call from Lifesong for Orphans. They said that they chose our family for one of their matching grants!!!!

We were so excited!!! We are so grateful that we were chosen.

Here's the details:

Between now and April 12th Lifesong for Orphans will match donations up to the amount of $2,500!!!
You can make a tax-deductible donation through Lifesong and we will get 100% of the proceeds.  They will match each donation dollar for dollar up to $2,500! How amazing is that?!?!?!?!?!

How to make a donation:
Make checks payable to: Lifesong for Orphans put Schmidt #3375 Adoption on the memo line
                        Send to:              Lifesong for Orphans
                                               P.O. Box 40/202 N. Ford St.
                                                      Gridley, IL 61744


Thank you to everyone who has given, and prayed for us along the way. Thank you for your patience as we try to navigate the muddy waters of international adoption. We are almost there.....and this definitely will help!!! 

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. 
   -- Hebrews 6:10

                   

Book worth the read......

I recently read the book: The Ministry Of Motherhood--Following Christ's Example In Reaching the Hearts Of Our Children. By Sally Clarkson

It's a really great read!

Mother's so often get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life that we forget that being a good mother is a ministry that makes an impact for generations to come. This book was such an encouragement to me as a mother of two biological children and soon to be 2 adopted boys.

This book has inspired me to be more intentional in my day to day routines and to appoach each day as if working for the Lord.

I especially loved the section on teaching your children the same way Jesus taught his disciples.

So if you are looking for some encouragment and inspiration, I highly recommend!

For family and friends....

The Kitchen Is Not My Office: Supporting and Understanding the Adoptive Family

I just read this amazing blog post. I wanted to share it with our network of family and friends. Our family is going to be changing dramatically over the next few months. I know that there is no way I could ever put into words exactly what we will need our how you can help us through all the adjustments. The truth is----we just don't know.

Every child is different. We have gone through the all required trainings ( and some that weren't!) All we can do is pray that God is already preparing their hearts for our family, and preparing our hearts for their arrival.

We are so lucky to have such a supportive network of friends!

 I know that many of you will be eager to meet them and help out once they are here. So check out this blog post on understanding and supporting adoptive families, it's a really good read!

Almost there....

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you"
                           --  Matthew 7:7

Pride often gets the best of us. No one likes to share their needs, and everyone likes to look like we have it all together.

When we began this process, it felt crazy to be sharing with people that we needed $31,000 that we did not have. But at the same time we knew we were called to adopt, despite all of the discouraging math! I expected people to assume we were insane and move on with their busy lives.

We decided to share our need anyway and a funny thing happened.

People that we didn't know that well a year ago, came forward and said: " You are called to adopt and we feel called to help you! What can we do?"

They started planning secret meetings ( that we weren't invited to! Ha!) They reminded us on a weekly basis that they were praying for us and they did! They mourned our losses with us, and rejoiced when we found new hope in two beautiful little boys. They had our backs!

I am not sure that we could have made it through this process without the love of good friends and family.

Fundraisers started happening! Kids had lemonade stands, friends planned rummage sales, bought coffee and kept praying!

    Most recently our church family planned a benefit dinner and silent auction on January 26th. We were floored when we found out that we had reached maximum capacity in the family life center!  Over 260 people bough tickets and we were amazed when most of them showed up! It was such an amazing night. We couldn't believe all of the wonderful donations, and we were delighted to see new friends and old!

We left the dinner rejoicing! It was so amazing to see everyone come together to show love for our boys and for our family. Adoption can be such a lonely process but there was so much love in that room! Our cups were overflowing. We went home completely at peace with the feeling that God had given us a precious gift---love. We didn't talk about money when we went home that night, we just talked about all of the conversations we had with friends and family. We were so encouraged.

We went to church this morning knowing they would be announcing the total for the dinner during the service. We had no idea what to expect. We both agreed that we had such an amazing night that it didn't really matter.

But God decided to knock our socks off instead! We were told that the total for our adoption dinner was...........$11,327.18!!!!!!!!  

We both melted into a pile of tears!  It was like the Lord just gave us the biggest bear hug and said " Listen kids, I've got this!!!!" But that's not all........................................

Another friend had given us $750.00 that was not included in the total. She had shared our adoption story with everyone who got a Christmas card from their family. WOW! This pushed our total up to $12,077.18!!!

BUT THAT IS NOT ALL.....

When I was leaving church I checked our mailbox and found $500 cash from an anonymous giver with a note that only said: God Bless Your Family. Someone stopped us and asked to buy tshirts....another $100.  Someone from the Methodist church wrote a check for $200......the list goes on.......

$13,000 is alot of money! The words "thank you" will never express all that we are feeling today. God is so trustworthy.

    A friend almost tackled us after the church service today!

    He was so excited for our family.

 I looked right at him and saw the tears welling in his eyes and I started to realize the magnitude of this blessing. Not just for us, but for everyone involved. Our friends are experiencing the joy of caring for an orphan. They love these boys too!

They are invested.

 If we wouldn't have shared our need we would have robbed them of the experience.  I have had so many people look at me with tears in their eyes and say: " We just can't wait to meet these boys, we can't wait to hug them. " We just want to love them."

I believe it.

God is moving.

Hearts are changing.

Two orphans will have a forever home.

We are left to say again that we are blessed beyond measure. I wish we had a better word than thank you.....

Thank you seems so small.

We love you.



“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13: 34-35