Give them a front row seat..

We went to church yesterday. Manye is generally uncomfortable and anxious at church so it has made weekly attendance a challenge since they got home.

We were excited for the boys to see the children's Christmas play, and thought they would really enjoy it.

In the first 5 minutes Manye started to squirm. "This no, good Mom. I no like." I watched both of the boys struggle to pay attention and look around uncomfortably for much of the show.

But then, something happened.

The nativity became present in the show---and this they recognized. They started moving to see better and leaning in.

I told them they could move up to the front row so they could see better, and I watched them as they paid perfect attention for the rest of the show.

In that moment I felt the Lord speak to my heart. " Give them a front row seat."

"Give them a front row seat to my grace, truth and peace. Give them a front row seat to my radical love.  Everyday."

In that moment, it was like time stood still. I could feel HIS presence---and that gentle voice. "Give them a front row seat."

Sometimes we beat ourselves up about the small things, and question how we are supposed to parent these new additions. But we are called to show them Christ first and foremost--in the way we love.

I am so glad we got to hear those precious kids at church yesterday---it really was an amazing program, and I am so glad that my Heavenly Father used the opportunity to remind me of what he has tasked us with----because in the end, nothing else really matters.

Don't take it personal....we still love you.

We have been so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives that are curious about our family.

Many people are naturally curious about the boys past.  I think this generally comes from a good, and well meaning place.  These children came to us with a past---and many people are interested in their story.

But here is the thing: It's their story. Not ours. 

Tom and I are both pretty up front people. If you ask us a direct question we will give you a direct answer--- so if you ask a question about the boys or our family and we dodge it, you might find yourself a little confused.

Here's where we are at: Abe and Manye have been through so much ugly. Things that NO child should ever experience and it breaks our hearts. Part of our job as their parents is to provide them with a safe and loving atmosphere where they can heal---and we believe they will. God will restore and redeem all that has been broken, HE has a plan for them. No doubt about it.

  One way we feel we can keep them safe is by making sure they do not find themselves under a microscope---feeling as if they have to share their story with the world. 

Trauma is ugly. It's not dinner conversation...it is someone's pain.

So family and friends: If you are close to us---please to not push us to share and most importantly do not expect for the children to share. They do not owe it to anyone. Asking them to open up old wounds is not ok---just meet them where they are at, and do your best to love them. Please know that if we dodge a question it is not that we don't trust you......we just want to respect our children and this is the best way we know how. If you see us parenting in ways you think looks strange---please know there is probably a good reason.

We are dealing with these issues--and rest assured we are being proactive in the way we address the trauma. Trust that we are doing our best.

All that being said, we do need prayers and I need to feel like I can ask for prayers with out putting forth every single detail. We have seen your prayers working every step of the way....please don't stop lifting us up because this can be a heavy load to carry.

If you absolutely feel like you want to ask a question please do not ask the kids---or in front of the kids. Ask Tom or myself and give us a little grace if we dodge ya----it's nothing personal. We are just parents trying to protect our children the best we can. 

Everything is so new.....

My last post I shared some of the hard, and yes we still have those moments daily but I really want to tell you about the SWEET.

The bursting with joy moments.

I remember when Aidan and Mia were born---all their "firsts" were so sweet!

First smile, word, tooth, first favorite food, learning to crawl, walk, run, skip, hop.

Aidan and I had these dance parties that are forever sealed in my memory.  Whenever Laurie Berkner would come on TV he would stop what he was doing and find me for a little dance party in the living room. We would shout "BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ!" to her song about bees. Or ramble the words to "Victor Vito" as fast as we could.

If you have preschoolers and you don't know Laurie Berkner--you are missing out! Look it up!

Anyhow--

Our boys came to us with mouthfuls of teeth. With scars. With many years of life, and experiences that I missed. I had this feeling for a while that I may never know how they got the scars, or how old they were when they lost their first tooth.

It kind of bummed me out. Moms love the "firsts." I am no exception.

But as I have been reflecting I realize we have had so many "firsts." They just look different than the path of a biological family. This doesn't make me any less of a mother---just a different kind. One who is trying my best to meet them where they are at.

So let me tell you....

Forks and spoons: New! They weren't used to using cutlery, but they have got it now!

Bikes: Neither of the boys had ever rode a bike before. They had learned after being home for less than a week. Manye learned in two days!

First Icecream, hamburger, fries.....all a hit!

They love our dog! They were terrified at first but now embrace him entirely.

First Thanksgiving: They loved the "Feast." We shared our traditions of giving thanks, and rejoiced in God's provision.

Can I just tell you for a second how my heart nearly burst giving Abiti a bath for the first time? It happened about a week ago. We have done showers up till this point and I thought---this kid needs to experience a bath.

So I tried to coax him.   He looked at me like I was insane. You want me to SIT in there?!?!?!   Mia suggested color change tablets and lots of bubbles, and Abiti jumped into his first ever PURPLE bath.

 He screamed. He giggled. He dunked his face under water, over and over again. " Look Mom, Look!!! "....  "Oh, Wow! WATER!"

Sheer JOY.

That's when it happened. My heart almost burst.  There is much to be learned from these kids. 

Maybe I should throw a party every time the bath spits out warm water. Water is so precious....


How about that self control thing?

 Well I am happy to report that the "punch first and ask questions later" is beginning to make an exit. We still have our moments, but they are learning they have a voice and words can be a powerful tool when we choose to use them.  I think this has to be my favorite. Teaching a child from a hard place that THEY have a voice---and there are people who want to hear from them....


Which brings me to....

Favorite phrases:

"Stop it!!"  Can't say this is always my favorite since I have heard it so frequently---but let me tell you the significance.  These two little words keep them from punching each other constantly. They use it communicate " I am uncomfortable."  So as you can imagine---these words mean alot to them.

"Me, I LOVE" is a Manye phrase. He is very vocal about his likes....and I am happy to tell you, that I have found myself on the "Me, I love list" a little more often these days.

"Oh, my goodness" Abiti loves to use this one all the time.

"Oh, WOW!" Another Abiti favorite....this kid finds joy in the little things and looks at the world with eyes of wonder. Mia absolutely loves hearing the "Oh, wow!"

"No." Again---not always my favorite....but an important word so I will thank God for it.

We have had a week of such amazing highs---looking at the world through the eyes of these children.

When we get a glimpse of who these little guys really are it makes the bad days easier to get through. The storms are still coming, but we are getting to know our boys as the walls come down.

I can't wait to see what the Lord does with these Abiti, Manye, Aidan and Mia who are all learning a growing together. They are a vocal bunch who just might make a big mark on this world one day----and I get to be their Mom.